HARMONY OVER BALANCE
Balance is overrated and unrealistic in my opinion and experience!
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO HAVE “BALANCE” IN LIFE?
When I asked via instagram what people would appreciate reading about, the topic I got the most messages about was “balance”.
Balance in relationships, work/life balance, balance when it comes to self care vs working harder…
I’m going to start with looking at general life “balance”.
I’ve never been a fan of the word balance because I find that most people live consistently out of balance based on their current focus or season.
For example…
If you’re a new parent, I’d venture to guess that your life is highly unbalanced with a major focus being on your new baby
Maybe you just started a business, so a large amount of your bandwidth is going into that right now and you’ve had to cut back on social engagements
Or you are wanting to progress significantly in your spiritual walk so a large chunk of your free time is going into church, small groups, discipleship type opportunities, etc.
Whatever it may be for you…
I have never experienced a season of life in which my 100% capacity is divided evenly among all of my pursuits and priorities, and it seems like many people out there are imagining that if they were doing everything right, 100% of what they’ve got would be perfectly allocated with 20% going to each of their top 5 priorities.
Stop making yourself feel bad for not having an even split!!
An even split is probably not even your goal…your goal, if I had to guess, is to feel that you are progressing in each area of life that is important to you.
Last weekend at an event Micah and I attended, I heard a very successful entrepreneur say that life is more about harmony than balance.
This resonated with me immensely because the definition of harmony is “the quality of forming a pleasing and consistent whole”.
Whereas the definition of balance is “a condition in which different elements are equal”.
Which one sounds like a more realistic, and honestly more ideal, way to design our lives?
I’d have to say Harmony.
The concept of harmony allows us to customize our schedules and commitments, on a day-to-day basis if we so choose, so that our highest priorities are accomplished.
I’ll provide an example from my own life that has taken place over the last week and a half:
What we do outside of create content for social media has really ramped up, which is super exciting but has led to a number of late nights.
I have a schedule that I generally stick to that involves waking up at 6a so I can be at the gym and working out by 7a, but when I don’t go to sleep until between 1-2a, I know for certain that waking up at 6a won’t serve me.
(Sidebar- I’m very jealous of those people who can sleep 4-5 hours and seemingly operate at their full capacity! I’m a 7-8 hour gal and that’s pretty non-negotiable if I want to be productive and pleasant.)
All that to say that over the last week and a half I have allowed myself to sleep until 9a/10a (on occasion 11a if I’m being transparent)
With this adjusted schedule I have still accomplished all of my highest priorities, but I wouldn’t say that my daily schedule has been “balanced”.
However there has been “a pleasing and consistent whole”, aka harmony!
We are in a season of business building focus so that is what gets the majority of my time budget, but I still have non-negotiable time with God, a workout, and focused connection with Micah each day.
Moving into Relational “Balance”…
This is a very nuanced and personal one so take this for what you will, this is just my experience.
I still stand by the concept of Harmony over Balance, because we all have relationships in our lives that are priorities and others that we fit in when time allows.
When it comes to a spouse or a partner, I have discovered that this is all about communication of expectations. Whatever quality time works for your current season that fills both of your cups is the right answer. You just have to have an open conversation to figure this out.
And again, this can change from week to week or even day to day depending on what you each have going on with work/family/other commitments.
To all my fellow people pleasers out there, there might be seasons where that dreaded N-O word is used more than others. Not every social engagement, bbq, game night, volunteer opportunity, etc can be attended if you’re in a season where you are focused on other priorities.
Not to say you can’t socialize or volunteer, but maybe instead of weekly or every 2 weeks, it’s once a month.
Harmony, not balance.
I’ve never experienced a time in my adult life life where my socializing with friends/volunteering/hobbies received the same percentage of time as work/purpose or time with Micah, but we still often make ourselves feel bad about this!
This leads me into the idea of self-care “balance”
Forgive me if this is harsh, but as adults I believe we all know what we need, we know when we’re coddling ourselves, and we don’t need as much “self-care” as society makes us think we do.
Sometimes all we can grab is 5 minutes in a closet to take some deep breaths, and sometimes we have the ability to give ourselves a full spa day.
When we’re in the 5 minutes in a closet season, it’s an amazing opportunity to grow our capacity, and when we’re in the spa day season it’s an amazing opportunity to be thankful for the blessings that have allowed us that flexibility.
This might sound silly, but have a conversation with yourself. The way you’d have a conversation about expectations with a partner when it comes to quality time, have that conversation with yourself!
Set boundaries, create CLEAR expectations and hold firm to them.
The more we keep our promises to ourselves, the more our self-image grows. I did a whole post on that here if you want to go deeper.
I love this image. Everything is a bit chaotic, but it all fits. That’s how I view building a life that is harmonious.
Final Thoughts…
There is no such thing as balance, so quit beating yourself up for “not having it” in your life!
Set yourself free and realize that you get to create what your life looks like when it’s in harmony with your values.
Even though balance is a myth, intentionality is key to creating a life that moves in the direction you want it to go. Here is a post I wrote about the process/mindset I found to help me build that kind of intentional life.
If you have trouble with saying no and it prevents you from creating a schedule that serves you, I highly recommend the book “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. They also have more specific versions such as “Boundaries in Dating” or “Boundaries in Marriage”.
You are fantastic and I am in your corner. As always, please write me if you have questions, want me to go deeper on something, or simply want to say hi. I love hearing from all of you!
WE THINK YOU’LL ENJOY . . .
